I am Boring!

At our wedding 39 years ago, someone said, “Your wedding is boring!”

It was true. We wanted to get married but didn’t have much money for a wedding, yet we felt obligated to do something. So we had a small church wedding followed by cake and punch in the church fellowship hall/gym. That’s right – it wasn’t a “destination," no band performed, no dancing, no meal, no open bar, and certainly no choreographed processional.

39 years later … I am still boring …

Recently someone tried to convince me that standing on a croquet court and occasionally tapping a wooden ball with a mallet, was “exercise.” I told her that I run and walk to which she exclaimed, “Oh my God! You are so boring!”

Out of spite, I was tempted to divulge the minutiae of my runs - heart rate, pace, mileage, race performances, favorite routes, etc. But I didn’t. Instead I told myself, “Be nice!”

So I simply smiled. She looked at me and said, with great vigor, “Well, I SWEAT when I play croquet!”

We live in Florida. You sweat while sitting on a shaded porch, under a fan, drinking ice tea. I smiled again and asked “How are your grandkids?” I think that was a nice, boring thing for me to do.

This proves it ... I am really, really boring!

A boring life like mine that can make you feel so much better about your own life. My boring life will remind you that your life is probably much more exciting than you realize, especially when you compare it with mine.

I haven’t been to a bar or restaurant since March 2020. We don’t even order out. My Home Ec teachers would be so proud of how I reawakened my culinary spirit. Plus, there is always a vegetarian “option” in my home and it never includes zucchini, okra, nor squash. In fact, all the options at “my restaurant” are vegetarian. I never have to “make do” with a wilted side salad or an order of greasy french fries.

Some people have told me that they need the “social stimulation” of a restaurant setting. Not me. For over a year now, my favorite Publix checker, Bonnie, and I have had the most stimulating, mask-muffled conversations. Bonnie always comments on my purchases - “Is this ginger ale any good?” - “Have you tried wasabi peas?” - “Save that jar. You can make into a terrarium.”

This ginger ale is EXCITING!  Try it.

I have no desire to go on a cruise. I like flying but I love boring flights full of boring people who follow the directions of flight attendants. On my next flight, which will probably be in 2022 (I hope!), a big, boring roll of duct tape is going in my carry on. As I board the aircraft I will show it to the flight attendants so they know I am willing to “get involved” and do my part to ensure we have a safe, boring, flight. If anyone decides they need to add some “excitement” at 35,000 feet - rrrrriiiiippppp!

Well, at least my daydreams are exciting!

Don't leave home without this "mummy maker."

I use Interlibrary Loan. How else can I get my hands on a 1948 copy of Copsford by Walter Murray? I read 3 books concurrently: 1 print, 1 e Book, and 1 audio book. My favorite social activity is my monthly book club meeting. We sit in a screened porch, wearing our handmade, 3-layer masks and discuss international fiction. We are bonafide bibliophiles! Even boring people have “tribes.”

I have never been to Disney World and I really don’t want to go there. Instead I “entertain” myself for free by volunteering ... at a local history museum ... transcribing National Archive records ... creating hundreds of children’s craft packets for Train Day. If you love Disney, go for it! Florida’s economy depends on you!

I have not watched a single episode of Game of Thrones nor Downton Abbey. When my dental hygienist starts to talk about her favorite episodes, I have nothing to say – and I can’t say anything anyway - but I try to look interested. I watch boring shows. I am on season 19 of the classic Time Team ... and I watch C-Span 1,2, and 3. I don’t think my dental hygienist has watched any of these shows. That’s good since I might try to comment on a favorite episode and end up with a polished tongue!

Snooze Alert! I enjoy genealogical research. I don’t just do the research, I create PowerPoint presentations for our family happy hours. And then, hang onto your hats, I convert those slides into narrated YouTube videos to share with my siblings. Are you still awake?

I use a “safe driver” app so I can get a discount on my auto insurance. Enough said.

While others are bemoaning how long it is taking to “get back to normal,” I delve deeper into the wonders of my boring life - and I thank God that I am not sitting on a plane while an impatient person is slugging it out with a flight attendant!

I may be boring but I am never bored. Nor am I unhappy because life has changed due to the pandemic. I can handle change. Plus, I agree with Bill Bryson: “The way I see it, there are three reasons never to be unhappy. First, you were born. This in itself is a remarkable achievement. Second, you are alive. For the tiniest moment in the span of eternity you have the miraculous privilege to exist. Third, you have plenty to eat and 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak Tree' will never be number one again.”

Don’t you feel better now! Enjoy your wonderful, exciting life!